The Deer Debacle

So let me tell you a little story (which happens to be completely true):

Way back, when I was a kid in the 80s, there was a bunch of deer on Angel Island. And I mean a BUNCH of deer. They were everywhere, and they were aggressive. One of the damned things chased my Mom, trying to eat a napkin she was holding. Lots of stories about the overly aggressive and numerous deer, hikers and tourists being assaulted and damaged, blah, blah...

Something had to be done about the deer. But what? Well, as for most issues around here, a committee was formed. Oh yay - cause committees solve everything, right?

The committee came up with some plans. Spaying and transporting were at the top of the list. (The rest of the plans were ridiculous.)

Research indicated spaying would cost something like $1,600 per deer and transporting (off the island to a remote location where the deers could wreak their havoc in peace) would cost something like $1,000 per deer. And San Francisco, who only has money for the homeless and free drug dispensaries and (ahem) undocumented persons, decided this was far too expensive.

Oh what ever were they going to do about the deers?

Just as they were about to abandon the whole enterprise to nature, some enterprising person exclaimed "hey, why don't we just shoot them?" Oh lords, you could hear the screams from Colma. Shoot? The deers? OMFG NO! What a monster!

But then, as things calmed down, people came to their senses and realized they could make money off this radical plan to shoot the deers. Messed up, right? (But hey: San Francisco.) And so, this group of people in this committee actually floated the idea with the public, of getting professional (and otherwise somehow "qualified" hunters) to come to Angel Island for a deer hunt. Oh yes, they did.

And the public reacted just about how you'd expect them to react. Well, for the 'San Francisco' public. As you might imagine, the idea didn't go over well. Meaning, it failed spectacularly. The public revolted. There was talk of lynchings. (Okay, not really, but this is San Francisco and hypocrisy has always been rampant.)

So ... the committee went back to their dark room, and decided to lay low for a while.

Time passed. The deers continued their assault. San Francisco politicos felt the increasing pressure from the public to do something. ("Oh gawds DO something for us!")

And so one day, [the San Francisco politicos] borrowed a bunch of night-vision goggles. They called up a bunch of interested hunters (who were somehow "qualified" - i.e.: the hunters paid the city). And they all took a midnight boat to Angel Island.

And suddenly ... there weren't as many deer.

Just. Like. That.

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